Mixed messages, speaking in code and mood swings – men have always been baffled by the way women behave. When it comes to communication, women just aren’t as direct (and some would say ‘blunt’) as men. Men get straight to the point, whereas women explore their emotions and give out subtle clues, which they expect men to decode.
From nightmare shopping trips to gossiping with girl friends – I asked 25 men to tell me what they find confusing about women – here’s what they said:
1) “Does ‘everything’ count? Tough question. Mixed signals. It’s that moment when you’ve both been flirting, shared a few bottles of wine and you’re not quite sure if you should lean in for a kiss. Mixed signals are so confusing and just not appreciated. Us men are simple. We’re in. Unless you’re interrupting sport, meat, beer or the holy trinity; all three. Then we might rain check.”
2) “This conversation: ‘I’m really hungry!’
‘Ok what do you want to eat?’
‘I don’t know…’
Also the over-thinking trivial things and the playing of mental games.”
3) “Everything! You are the 8th wonder of the world! I find everything about women confusing! Can never pick up on signals, you’re hot then you’re cold (Katy Perry), you laugh then you cry, you say it’s ok, but it’s actually a challenge – it’s not ok and you’d rather I did something, you want the alternative! Of course you do! How did I not know this? I’m forever intrigued, forever confused, forever in love! I can’t break this question down because understanding women is like understanding how the world began! You’re left with only theories! Sometimes it’s nice to be confused and listen more to the chemistry than the logic!”
4) “When your girl asks you to tell the truth – whether this or that suits her and when you do, she sulks.”
5) “I just can’t understand when girls say they don’t really care about Valentine’s Day then if you forget to get a present/card they go in a strop. ‘I knew you didn’t love me!’ What’s that all about?
Also when I spontaneously bought a girl a big box of chocolates – first thing she said was: ‘what are you feeling guilty about?’ Then she accused me of trying to make her fat! I give up! Don’t know why I bothered!”
6) “They look at things with no intention of buying. Why do they do this? Men like to do the shopping and go home.”
7) “Ummmm, confusing about women? Well, I’m confused as to how they always manage to smell so good and how they can have such soft skin. Angels, all of them are angels.”
8) “Everything!”
9) “When a woman holds up two dresses – for example a red and a black one and says: ‘which shall I wear tonight?’ You say the black then she says she prefers the red, so you say: ‘ok wear the red,’ but she says ‘you obviously don’t like it, you said wear the black before!’ It’s like banging your head against a brick wall! I don’t really care what colour she wears, and why ask me when she’s already made her mind up?”
10) “When you are out with a group of friends for dinner, why do the women all stand up and go to the loo in a convoy – what do they talk about? Why do they go together? Also it confuses me when women go out shopping and walk around all day looking at things when they know they’re not going to buy anything.”
11) “Women aren’t that confusing…they just need to know they are liked or loved. The women I’ve dated, I’ve experienced the following confusing situations:
‘Do I look good in this?’… Anything I say (good or bad) always gets a negative response – CONFUSING
The amount of make up that gets to put on…even though they look gorgeous naturally – CONFUSING
They hate my girl mates but want me to love their guy mates – CONFUSING
They want you to think that their girl mates are hot but when you say they are, they go ballistic – CONFUSING
They want you around all the time and get annoyed if you go out with the lads or spend more than an hour at the gym. But it’s ok for them to have girl time or go on holiday with the girls – CONFUSING
When I’m at a bar with ‘my woman’ or a club or on holiday, but they seem to spot a girl that’s eyeing me up and ‘my woman’ tells me that a woman in the club is in to me or literally ‘wants to sleep with me’… and I tell her, ‘you are my woman… and I’m with you and have been with you for a while and you are the only woman that has access to me’ – CONFUSING
12) “Women can’t make their minds up. Going shopping is a nightmare – she holds up a dress: ‘do you like it?’ I say ‘it’s ok’, she says: ‘you don’t like it’, I say: ‘it’s alright’. She says: ‘you hate it – I can tell, no – I’m not buying it!’ Then we have to go to another shop.”
13) “For me the most confusing thing about women is their hormones. Yes I understand that you can’t control them but sometimes it’s like a freaking minefield, one second you’re all smiles and kisses, the next you’re flipping out over the tiniest comment. I wouldn’t mind so much if there was some consistency but half the time I think you’re milking our naivety.”
14) “The fact that honesty ISN’T the best policy. If a girl looks terrible in an outfit, it’s a guy’s job to say she looks great. Why?! She looks terrible! If any of my mates turned up on a night out dressed in something which didn’t suit them, I’d tell them, as would all my other friends, as would all of their other friends. They would however, learn not to wear stuff like that again. They wouldn’t begrudge you indefinitely for being honest and they certainly wouldn’t stop playing FIFA with you.”
15) “When a woman tries to decode and analyse every text message. Like how long it is and how many kisses there are. It doesn’t mean anything! Stop analysing everything! Then when she plays games and tries to match the length of time you take to reply. It’s ridiculous! Also – why does it take women so long to get ready? What are they doing?!”
16) “Regarding dating specifically, it’s the whole lateness thing. I know being fashionably late to parties is understood, or to make an entrance when everyone’s there etc- but when it comes to, say a dinner date, and you book a table at a restaurant for a certain time – knowing full well your date is going to be late, or kind of late. If a guy was late, that’s bad, but if a girl is late, it’s expected. I know a lady’s time is precious, but is it really a social faux pas to be slightly early, or do women not want to seem overly keen?”
17)”Why is looking ‘nice’ not a compliment? Why are bad guys so attractive?
And why are shoes so bloody important?! Why can’t a guy be allowed to go for comfort with his footwear?”
18) “The games thing I’ve never understood. The whole let’s send misleading texts or mix up signals constantly, so it becomes like some stupid, frustrating game. If I ever get a hint of that I instantly ignore them. Ainnnnnn’t got time bruv.”
19) “Saying ‘I’m fine’ whilst crying. That really winds me up. Either tell me what’s wrong or pipe down.”
20) “Why do women say one thing and mean the complete opposite? Why do they talk so much? How can they have so much to say – but always about the same stuff? When you pay a woman a compliment – why do they throw it back in your face? You say, you look nice tonight and they say: ‘don’t I normally nice?’ ”
21) “Disappearing acts – I truly am confused by women who drop off the face of the Earth after first dates that seemingly went well. Just reply to a text proposing a second meet with ‘Sorry, not interested’ or something a bit more tactful!
Also girls who are insecure praise-hunters. Eg. a girl knew I found her attractive and told me nothing could happen between us; she said she was seeing someone but ‘we can be friends’. (Worst line EVER.) However, in the subsequent months (during which she became single), she sent me countless selfies featuring her and not very much clothing. At the beginning, I saw this as a change of heart and responded with sincerity about her appearance. Weeks later, when I was in town, I asked her out and she said: ‘I don’t date friends.’ I REALLY don’t get that. Friends of mine think she just wanted to be told she was hot but are people really that insecure? I had no idea! I still don’t get it. It has made me incredibly cynical and I’d now struggle to spot a genuine come-on!”
22) “Shoes…why do women have so many pairs that never get worn and why do they always insist on going out in the most uncomfortable pair…then complain after ten minutes that their feet hurt? Also, I don’t get how women can talk to their best friends on the phone for three hours and about nothing in particular whatsoever. Another thing – it’s always too cold or too warm in the house and never just fine.”
23) “They don’t share our fondness for storing clothes on the bedroom/bathroom floor!”
24)” Everything! Double standards. The way women can always be friends with exes but men can’t. Women don’t like to be seen as the women in relationships and expected to do the women’s things but men always get asked to do the men stuff like DIY.”
25) “Thought processes…I don’t get how women get to their decisions. Not all, but some. I don’t get what routes they use to make these decisions. Also the way they deal with their emotions. As a guy, if I’m angry, I’m angry, I know I’m angry and I know what I’m angry at. Women, in juxtaposition, can be angry and have no reason why, or not even know what they are angry or emotional at. They can start the day angry because they are late and by the end of the day it’s because there is a t-shirt on the floor. It’s a poor analogy but I think the point is somewhat clear. Men compartmentalise everything. We are very black and white. Women on the other hand are 250 million shades of grey. I love women as a whole – Mothers, wives, sisters, friends and the list goes on…but sometimes…boy! I have no idea what’s going on in their heads.”
I think the last answer perfectly sums up what most guys are confused about; they find it impossible to work out what and how women are thinking.
It would take another article in itself to address all the confusing aspects of a woman’s persona that have been brought up here. A lot of guys immediately responded with: ‘everything‘, and a very popular answer was ‘mixed signals and mind games.’ It’s interesting to hear that guys think women are the ones playing the games, as girls often think the opposite.
Another popular answer related to feedback about appearance – and specifically, when a girl asks you to tell the truth about clothing, and gets offended if you criticise or don’t give the answer she wants. Why do we do this? Because we’re women. Sometimes we’re just looking for reassurance and a nice compliment rather than harsh critique.
I must admit, I do sympathise after hearing all of these answers and can see how the female of the species can appear confusing to men. It’s true – we often speak in code, ie. we say one thing, but mean the opposite, but it’s only because we hope you know us well enough to figure out what we truly want.
Men and women communicate in completely different ways and I think we’ll forever find each other equally fascinating and frustrating, but this is what keeps life exciting.
Next week, we’ll be finding out what women find confusing about men.
In the meantime, to help you guys out – here are 25 things women say and what they really mean.
Looking for dates in Suffolk? Double your chances and give Suffolk Dating Site a try for free today.
