This topic was inspired by a good friend of mine, who has recently starting dating someone she met online. Their conversations had led her to believe that they were headed in the direction of a relationship, and she felt comfortable enough to remove her profile off the online dating site. Then she discovered that his profile still existed.
During the beginning phases of any relationship, there are discussions that must be had, cautiously layered on top of the excitement and constant butterflies. Discussions about commitment, past relationships, where this relationships is heading, exclusivity, and the Boyfriend & Girlfriend talk. None of these are easy, but the addition of online dating adds another discussion into the mix: the removal of the profile and when it’s appropriate. Of course this can be a sensitive topic, so I’m here to help!
1. Determining when to remove your profile
I don’t think you need to wait for your partner to remove their profile before you take down yours. Removing yours is a quiet indicator that you are happy with the other person and aren’t still holding out for something better to come along. It also shows that you are interested enough to cut off communication with all other prospects online, which could be just the spark your partner needs to delete theirs in confidence.
2. How do bring it up in conversation
If you have removed your profile and your partner still hasn’t, it’s a good idea to figure out how to bring it up in conversation. While I am a fan of the direct approach, sometimes less is more. A subtle hint about how it’s been nice to not log in to the site in days, or that you’re glad you’re no longer receiving emails every hour could be a good way to get the conversation going.
The issue of the online dating profile could also be piggy-backed on a conversation about if the two of you are exclusive or not, if that comes up first.
3. What if my partner won’t take it down?
This is a huge red flag. If your partner is hesitant to remove their profile or flat out refuses it, take that as a sign that the relationship is not where you thought it was. Step back and reevaluate – why is this person refusing to take down their profile? What is keeping them from deleting it? If they are on a paid site, like Match.com, there could be some reluctance because of the monetary investment they made up front, but even that is not a great excuse. Free service users have no excuse.
Navigating these milestones in a relationship can be tough, but being open and honest with your partner will set the foundation and tone for a great relationship to come.
