After a break up your emotions can be all over the place. It’s the perfect time to gather round friends,
have a good cry and eat a tub of ice cream in one sitting. However, there are some things you should
never do after a break up – here’s our top ten.
1. Begging
Never, ever, ever beg someone to take you back. It might seem like a great idea at the time, when you
are hurt and alone, but if (when) you’re rejected then you’ll feel much worse. Trust us. Nothing takes
away your dignity like public pleading followed up by a harsh rejection. If it’s over, it’s over – walk away.
2. Having a radical makeover
In times of crisis, some people have a desire to shed their old selves, like a snake sheds its old skin.
Sometimes this can lead to losing a few pounds or getting a great new haircut. And sometimes it can
lead to terrible tattoos and some very bad fashion choices. If you’ve just been dumped, take the time to
come to terms with it, rather than dye your hair purple and get a tattoo of a dragon across your back.
3. Staying friends
Every day we hear stories from singles on the eHarmony Advice site about their attempts to stay
friends with their exes – and how ultimately it’s stopped them from moving on and is making them very
unhappy. When couples break up they often decide to stay friends, but never for the right reasons. The
person doing the dumping will do so out of guilt, and the person being dumped will agree out of hope
they will get back together again. Some exes can be friends eventually, when old wounds have healed,
but you should always take time away from each other when you first break up.
4. Pretending everything is OK
Break ups hurt. If they don’t then you really weren’t doing the whole relationship thing right. Even if
you’re the one doing the breaking up, it will still be a tough time. Pretending everything is OK will just
store up problems for the future, when it all gets too much. Admit your feelings, have a good cry and
start to move on.
5. Giving up
When the love of your life says they don’t want to be with you any more, it can feel like the end of the
world. You may start having thoughts like, “I might as well give up then, no one will ever love me”. This
simply isn’t true. At eHarmony we’ve had people into their 80s finding love again; there’s never reason
to just give up. By all means, give yourself time off dating, but don’t give up.
6. Stalking your ex
Stalking is up there with begging, in that it’s completely undignified and you will certainly regret it when
you come to your senses. Stalking doesn’t always mean sitting outside their house in your car – it can be
as ‘innocent’ as liking all their statuses on Facebook and commenting on all their photos.
7. Opening the lines of communication
When you break up with someone, you can feel like talking to them will take all your pain away. You
start to wish for ‘just one text’ from them to make you feel better. Resist the urge to text all call, you’ll
only make yourself feel worse.
8. Taking revenge
We all love movies where the hard done by person gets revenge on their ‘evil’ ex. But real life doesn’t
work that way. Taking revenge on your ex will feel good for a few minutes, and then it’ll all come
crashing down when they find out it was you and you are exiled to the ‘crazy ex’ file for good.
9. Having ex-sex
Sleeping with your ex is a bad idea. If you’ve been dumped it’ll prolong your pain, and if you’re the one
doing the dumping then it’s just heartless. Don’t do it. Seriously.
10. Have friend sex
Post break up can be a lonely time. No one to cuddle up to at night can skew your judgement
and suddenly calling up that friend you’ve always been a bit flirty with can seem like a great idea.
Unfortunately, sleeping with anyone when you’re hurt can be a really bad idea. It’ll skew your friendship
and won’t make you feel better.
