We’ve all been on a horrible date where we’ve wished the ground would swallow us up immediately. These disaster date scenarios may seem mortifying at the time, but at least we can have a good laugh about them afterwards. So what defines a bad date? Sometimes it’s the complete lack of chemistry from the onset, whereas others times we’re faced with creepy and awkward behaviour from the other person. The worst case scenario is when something very unexpected and embarrassing happens to us.
I asked people around the world to share their worst date stories. From sloppy eaters to unfortunate injuries and practical jokes gone wrong, here’s what they said:
1) “I got chatting to the president of the ski and snowboard society on a night out. He was called Brad (he was very ‘cool’ and hot) and he asked me out on a date the next day at the new outdoor ice rink in Nottingham city centre. It was Christmas time – mistletoe, mulled wine, so it had all the makings to be the most romantic date, BUT sadly it wasn’t meant to be. We were skating round and round and he was holding my hand..and then IT happened. I could feel myself getting more and more queasy the more he spun me round and…I threw up! All over the rink, my ice skates, his ice skates, his jeans and then over the side once he’d managed to push me out the line of other skaters. Absolutely mortifying!”
2) “My worst date was a guy that took me to McDonalds and paid with buy one get one free vouchers!”
3) “I drove 45 minutes to meet a guy from online at a cute coffee shop midway between our houses. He showed up and looked nothing like his photos-AT ALL. Still, I thought we might have something in common, but he was rude to the waitress, asked me if I wanted to ‘hookup’ and told me he was broke so could I pickup the tab. Just…no.”
4) “A guy asked me over for a cup of tea after a lunch date and in the time it took me to sit on the sofa, he had stripped naked in a very ‘Joey from Friends’ like style.”
5) “I met this gorgeous guy at a tango dancing event. After a few weeks of chatting and texting, he asked me out, so we met at Brick Lane. As soon as I greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, his nose starting bleeding profusely, like a tap. He basically bled all over my cream top and sat on the curb for 20 minutes with his head between his legs. I awkwardly rubbed his back, secretly distracted by the fact that I had no idea whether my favourite top would ever be cream again. His nose eventually stopped bleeding and to make sure, he stuffed a rolled up tissue up his right nostril where it stayed for the whole hour and a half we spent together. He was utterly embarrassed. The night ended rather abruptly when he told me he was in a relationship with a woman who he loved deeply but who hadn’t slept with him for over a year. You can guess where he was going with that…”
6) “I went to meet someone from OkCupid – seemed quite friendly, very handsome – and some completely different old guy rocked up. Turned out the pictures he’d posted of ‘himself’ were actually of a French porn star, and he was surprised I didn’t know. Decided I’d go with him for lunch as we’d planned, to try and understand why the heck someone would do something like that, but ended up leaving him during the middle of his meal. I was just too annoyed to stay any longer!”
7) “I once went on a date with a guy to the cinema, but it was over an hour’s drive away and he didn’t talk during the journey there. I tried making conversation and it was all one word answers! When we got there, he said: ‘I’m really sorry, I’m really shy!’ An hour and a quarter each way…struggling for conversation. It was awful.”
8) “I kicked someone in the face with my high heels (one of the reasons I never ever wear heels) and it also confirmed my sexy dance moves should never be used on a dance floor again!”
9) “In the middle of a date, the girl I was dating went to the toilet, then said in the time she was away, her sister had called to say her Dad was ill, so she had to rush off. In retrospect, it was a way to get out of the date wasn’t it?”
10) “Well the date was going swimmingly and we’d had a really nice time. On my way out to get our taxi, I put my nude heel into a pot hole filled with oily water and fell flat on my back covering my cream coat in dirty water too. He was very nice but I was so embarrassed!”
11) “I remember going out on a date to a Chinese restaurant. We ordered spare ribs and he had a novel way of eating them, he’d put a rib in his mouth, chewed it, then spat the bone out. He preferred to eat most of the food with his hands- my fault really, I forgot to ask him if he could use a knife and fork! I was so embarrassed and felt quite sick watching him!”
12) “I’d been on four dates with a guy and he was sat opposite me. We were chatting away and then there was a pause. He said: ‘I really don’t think I would mind if you went off with the bar man. I’ve been with hundreds of women. Sometimes I think I might be gay!’ I was gobsmacked.”
13) “There was the date with the nutter who couldn’t stop laughing…at everything! He laughed all the way through Johnny English (the most unfunny film ever made), he then laughed at nearly everything I said. When we discovered he worked at the same place as my dad…I thought he was going to wet himself in hysterics. His text after our FIRST date…
‘Hey babe, I’m away at a rugby tour in Sweden, but when I get back, I really want you to meet my parents. Bring some overnight things if you want to stay over.’”
14) “I’d just had my hair done, highlights, the works, I’d bought a beautiful new dress (it cost a week’s wages and it was dry clean only). My date said we’d go and meet his brother at his house first before going out – his brother had an outside swimming pool and it had a cover on it. My date thought it would be hilarious to pick me up in his arms and then he flung me into the swimming pool, fully clothed into the deep end! I wasn’t very good at swimming especially in a pair of high stilettos! By the time he fished me out I was fuming! I dried myself off borrowed some clothes and went home. Yes we did go out again, but he had a lot of grovelling and making up to do!”
15) “I went on a blind date and when I met him he smelled of cheap aftershave, he leaned in for a hug and my face started to itch, I couldn’t stop scratching! I was allergic to him! I had to make my excuses and go home and take an antihistamine. No we didn’t go out again.”
16) “My worse date was when I arranged to meet a girl in the pub and she was an hour late and when she appeared at the door she was staggering – she was completely drunk, then she fell and started to crawl towards me. I picked her up and sat her down and she was slurring. I was so embarrassed, so I called a taxi to take her home for her own safety.”
17) “I was once set up on a blind date. When I met the guy, he had the strong pungent smell of formaldehyde. It was disgusting, he said he’d just come straight from work – I asked him what he did for a living and he said he was a pathologist and he loved his job. I developed a splitting headache pretty quickly and I got a cab home. I don’t think I even finished my drink!”
18) “I once went on a date with a girl and then we got back to my house and sat on my bed and she started singing ‘Fields of Gold’ to me. The whole song. I just sat there in silence. I think she was trying to impress me but it was really creepy.”
19) “I went on a date with a women who barked like a dog at the waitress when she was asked: ‘what can I get you to drink?’ Another bad date was the woman that answered when asked how long are you in South Africa for? ‘Oh as long as I can as I am on a suspended sentence for smuggling drugs.’”
20) “My bad dates just tend to be the usual not much in common, struggling with conversation. I did date a runner at uni once and we went to hire a DVD. I challenged her to run back as it was raining a lot. She slipped on a road sign and hurt herself! I’m not sure Borat helped ease the pain she was in. (Or my taunting her that I won the race).”
21) “I caught a guy trying to take £20 out of my purse. Him: it’s for condoms. Me: that won’t be necessary. *exit stage right*”
22) “I met a guy through dance who was from Florida and who appeared to be extremely well dressed, confident and generally well turned out. He made it very clear that he was interested and so was I – he was possibly one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. We arranged to meet for dinner a couple of evenings later and I had obviously made quite an effort to look nice. He, however, turned up in a track suit with one leg rolled up to the knee and a baseball cap on sideways. A little bit different from what he was wearing when I first met him. He also turned up with his cousin (who didn’t speak English). The guy spoke Spanish and so the whole awkward date consisted of me speaking to both of them – my date couldn’t speak much Spanish and the other couldn’t speak English however, the latter wouldn’t shut up! I went away after an hour, absolutely exhausted from the effort it had all taken and feeling totally annoyed by a text that followed my text, telling me that he was disappointed that I hadn’t invited him back to my flat!”
23) “I went on a date with a girl who thought she was the greatest thing the world had ever seen, despite wearing way too much makeup. I greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, which was rejected as ‘she doesn’t do that’. Most of the conversation was about her and her family and how awesome, rich and successful they are.
We went back to mine and she didn’t like my dogs or their hairiness and proceeded to hoover the house telling me I shouldn’t have dogs as they are disgusting and some people can get asthma. In the morning, I got ordered to go to the shops to get her new makeup and fruit and she basically gave me a shopping list. I went but I didn’t buy her any makeup (why should I?) and got hell when I returned. I told her I’d take her home (as I really didn’t want to spend another day with her) and on the way home she pleaded for me to take a detour to Peterborough as she wanted to see someone. I did, regrettably, as it was her ex and she was there for ages, about 30 minutes or more. Looking back, I should have left but I’m too damn nice for my own good. Anyway I took her home and never contacted her again.”
24) “I went for a sushi date with a guy (his idea) and it was so awkward. He had never used chopsticks so spent a good five minutes chasing the food around the plate with running commentary as he tried to stab a slice of salmon sashimi. ‘Ooh nearly gotcha, you’re a wriggly one aren’t you? Almost…come here you little…right I can do this, oh God you’re a real slippery little number aren’t you?’ He was talking to the fish more than me and refused to use a knife and fork. Instead, he continued the sloppy chase for what felt like a lifetime. He dropped it on the table and then in the bowl of soy sauce, so it was a massive relief when he finally got it in his mouth – until he turned a strange colour and ran to the toilet and didn’t come back for ten minutes. He’d clearly never eaten sushi before and hated every moment.”
25) “I was a finalist in a dating competition that a national radio station were running and got flown to a different city where I was set up on a blind date with a guy (of course to make good radio they set up complete opposites). Turns out he was a stripper and fire dancer (every Mother’s dream for their 20 year old daughter).
We went out for dinner where he got incredibly drunk, started slurring and stumbling. When we got back to our hotel (we were staying at the same place), he had ‘lost’ his key and wanted to stay in my room. I told him to go wake the lady up who ran the hotel and made a swift exit. In the morning he tried apologising by giving me a soft toy key ring that he’d told me the night before another girl had given him.”
Bad dates definitely make brilliant stories, so thank you to everyone who shared theirs. I’ve even included one of my own – can you guess which one?
So next time you feel like you’re on the ‘date from hell’ – just remember, it’s these slippery sushi, dog barking and heel kicking cringeworthy moments that make us appreciate the good times.
If you’re in the mood for some tales of romance, check out these 25 best ever date stories.
