So you’re spending another New Years Eve alone with a bottle of champagne while all your friends have a special someone with whom to bring in the new year. You resolve that next year will be different. Next year is your year to find love using one of the most effective means of dating in history: online dating.
How to Date Online
Even if you’ve tried online dating before with not much success, 2015 can be the year that you find love. Follow this guide and you’ll be ringing in 2016 with someone special.
Setting Out to Achieve Goals
When we want to work to get that promotion, we buckle down and commit to working harder in our careers. When we want to learn a new skill, we set aside time regularly and work little by little to attain the goal. And when we want to save money for an expensive trip or for a downpayment on a home, we set aside a little bit of money each month. So why do we expect success in our dating endeavors without putting forth the same amount of time and effort?
If you want to see a change for the better in your love life, it’s time to use the same tools that you use to reach other goals in your life and apply them to dating. You don’t necessarily always feel like putting away a few hundred dollars each month into your savings account, but you do it anyway because it’s the only way you are going to reach your goals. You don’t always feel like setting aside time to study a new skill, but you do it anyway because it is the only way to learn.
But for some reason, we have this notion that dating is something you should only do when you feel like it, or when you feel inspired or compelled. We think that it’s unromantic to be systematic about dating. But what would we accomplish in other areas of our life if we only did things when we “felt like it”?
If you want to see results in your online dating endeavors, the first step is to be strategic. Create and start using a regular system to keep you accountable. After a particularly bad date, you might be tempted to take a break from online dating for awhile out of disappointment or frustration. But with a system, you know that you must get back on the horse to see results.
Taking Action with Your Romantic Life
Here are some ideas to get you started crafting a system that you can follow to ensure that you are approaching your romantic life with the same self-discipline and strategy that you approach that work promotion:
- Send 5 emails each week. Every week, sit down and write a personalized, positive, and complimentary message to 5 new people.
- Go on 3-5 dates per month. Typically when we decide to meet someone for a date, it’s because they meet certain criteria in our minds. But when you make yourself go on a certain number of dates each month, it forces you to consider people that you might have otherwise written off without giving them a chance.
- Go on a date every month with someone whom you would normally consider “not your type.” Have you ever said, “She’s very ________ (pretty, accomplished, funny), but she’s just not my type”? There’s no room for that kind of talk in 2015. Each month, meet with at least 1 person whom you normally wouldn’t consider your type.
- Find an accountability partner. Now you’ve set some solid goals. Good for you! But if you want to stick to them, you’re going to need an accountability partner, someone to give you trouble if you stop meeting your goals. Designate a friend to call or text you each week on a set day and ask how your goals are going. I know it sounds crazy, but do you want to find love in 2015 or not?
Changing your Mindset
I’m not a proponent of the idea that finding love only involves changing your mindset. There are so many factors involved in dating that often your mindset is only a small part of what gets you to the final result.
However, many of the factors in online dating you cannot control: who responds to your messages, what criteria people are searching for, etc. But your mindset? That’s something you have control over. Making sure you have the right attitude about dating can’t hurt your chances, and I’d argue that it’s crucial to finding love online. Here are some things to consider:
- Always be positive. This may seem like a no brainer, but in my own experiences with online dating, I’ve seen countless people who are seething with bitterness and negativity. That kind of attitude most definitely shows in your online dating profile (yes, even if you think it doesn’t!) and it is hurting your chances of finding love.
- You are not entitled to anything. Another common attitude about online dating is an entitlement mentality. It doesn’t matter how great you think you are or how much you are paying for your online dating membership. No one has to contact you or respond to your messages. Next in this article we will learn ways to optimize your profile so that you get as many responses as possible. But first, do yourself a favor and kick the notion that you’re owed something.
- Avoid an “all or nothing” attitude. We have a tendency to feel that a date or an interaction online is either a success or a failure. Avoiding this mentality is crucial to maintaining a good attitude about online dating. By this standard, the dating process is innately riddled with “failures,” since chances are that you will go on countless “unsuccessful” dates before meeting someone with whom you are compatible. Instead, think of online dating as an opportunity to meet a lot of interesting people. Even if you don’t hit it off, you got to meet someone cool.
Are You Using the Right Dating Service?
One of the easiest ways to begin to see improvement in the return on your investment in online dating is to make sure you’re using the right dating service. For example, if you are looking for a serious relationship, perhaps you shouldn’t be spending all your time on Tinder (although yes, we know how addictive it is!). I’m not saying that it’s impossible to find a serious relationship on Tinder, but there are better places online to find what you’re looking for.
These days, there are hundreds of different dating websites outside of the big names that everyone knows like OKCupid, Tinder, and eHarmony. For example, if you are Christian and it’s important to you to date within your faith, you might consider the popular dating website Christian Mingle.
Another great option (if we do say so ourselves!) is We Love Dates, which offers online dating for everyone, no matter your age, orientation, or interests. If you’ve ever complained that online dating caters to only a few types of people, then We Love Dates or a niche dating site more tailored to your particular interests might be the right option for you.
Part of this process is being honest with yourself about what you really want. For example, do you tell your friends that you aren’t looking for anything serious, yet you long for a long-term partner? Maybe what you really want is a serious relationship. The sooner you are honest with yourself about your needs and desires, the sooner you can find the dating service that best meets your needs.
Optimize Your Dating Profile
I’m sure that you were anything but careless when you originally wrote your online dating profile. But if you haven’t updated it in a couple of months, it might be worth revisiting your profile to see if you can improve it or, better yet, optimize it specifically for the type of person you want to meet.
Here at We Love Dates, we recently put together a guide to online dating, which includes great advice on optimizing your online dating profile. This is a great place to start. After that, speak with a few family members and friends and ask them what they consider your strengths. Are you thoughtful, organized, or spontaneous? Do you have a great sense of humor? Your friends and family will have a better idea than you will about which of your traits you should highlight in your online dating profile.
Don’t Sweat It
Finally, keep in mind that sometimes finding the right partner takes time. You can certainly expedite the process with the tips outlined above, but all you can do is your best. Plus, there are few things less attractive than someone who is obviously anxious about meeting “the one.” In the meantime, don’t sweat it. The right person will come along.
So in 2015, do the work – set your goals, hold yourself accountable, and make your profile as good as possible – and then, just have fun! Here’s to the new year, and here’s to finding love in 2015!
Image modified from Flickr user mandpi
