Oh boy, it’s about to get steamy in here. Yes, I did use the h-word. And I’m sure you’d like to learn a trick or 9 on how to get this done – otherwise you wouldn’t have clicked to read this article. You, you gorgeous man, you have a huge (not to say determining) role to whether she’s feeling horny in bed or not.
Steamy Dating
A wise man once said that good sex starts in the living room. And no, I don’t mean that you have to bend her over the old table your grandma gave you guys and show her good time. What I mean is that if you really want to get her hot, you need to remember that more often than not a woman’s sexual arousal starts outside the bedroom.
Are you still in the ‘being-in-love’ stage of things, then you’ll still be very much affected by chemistry and nature and how these have both given your brains a proper shot of ‘mate and pass on your genes’ endorphins. And if you’re in this stage still, you can turn her on just by sending her a text message saying you’re on your way home from work.
However, if you’re a bit further along in your romantic relationship and have known each other for more than 2 years, you’ll enjoy this read, for sure.
When the feelings of being in love have faded away a bit and the love take over (if you are good at keeping this alive, that is), something tends to happen to a woman’s sex drive. Most times it’ll decrease. And as a man you might feel like you drew the short straw! Here you were thinking that you’d found yourself a hottie with the same sex drive as you.
Don’t worry! Your behaviour is ultimately a deciding factor in this – and luckily, you control your own behaviour.
And BELIEVE me, us women wish that we could just click our heels together and have our sex drive be as high as yours and that we’d be all turned on just by being asked “do you feel like having sex, my love?” This is rarely how things actually work though.
What to do?
1. You have to acknowledge and understand that how you treat her, determines whether she wants to have sex with you or not. You as an individual. She can have a high sex drive but not lusting for you and how frustrating is that? So – you either display a behaviour that pushes her away or you display a behaviour that pulls her closer. That’s just a fact of life.
2. Our emotions are the road to sex. Yes, I know. Not so much for you guys and that’s fair enough but that’s just how women tend to go about things. And you can choose to understand this or not. So yeah, perhaps YOU can have sex even though you just had a terrible fight with her but chances are, she probably can’t. Her heart and her lower pelvis communicate. Very closely too. If she’s hurt, feel let down, is upset or worried it’s really difficult for most women to just let go and have sex. Hold her, ask her what she needs, talk to her: calm things down.
3. Make her feel safe! Our bodies and our brains are still living in the Stoneage. If you wish to make her horny, you need to understand the importance of her feeling safe with you. A lot of women today are extremely independent and that’s fantastic but nevertheless, she still needs to know that you’ll catch her if she falls. Are you there for her when she needs you? Or do you leave her behind saying ”your problems are yours to deal with”?
4. As a man, your testosterone levels are about 10 times as high as a woman’s. This could mean for a lot of guys, that you’re naturally hornier than what she is. It also means that you will be horny and ready for sex quicker than her. Yes, that is actually a rule of thumb for many men and women. Is that her fault? No. Is it annoying for both men and women? Yes!
5. Women are very auditory; we’re turned on by what we hear. TALK TO US! Tell us what you’re thinking, what you’re experiencing. Yes, I know this can be difficult to do but we need it. When you open up to us that way, we feel who you are as a man and as a human being. Talk to us about what’s happening in our lives. Practise having more difficult conversations. The more you dare, the more courage you show us when you talk about these difficult things, the more we ultimately respect you and this just equals a greater feeling of safety and security.
6. Praise, recognition and gratitude. Put this into words. The more you tell us how lovely and beautiful and sweet and hot we are and how much you appreciate having us in your life, the more loved we feel.
7. Kiss your partner! Way too many men completely skip this step and head straight for the most obvious erogenous zones. You know what I’m talking about. We just don’t work like you do. We don’t really enjoy that you grab our boobs or touch us between the legs first thing! Try kissing her neck gently 100 times or 25 little kisses on her lips, then you’ll see things start to fire up!
8. What does she love when you’re in bed together? What makes her connect with her body straight away? Most women need about 20-40 minutes of foreplay. YEP. It’s true. Most of you probably just have a quick “feel” to check if she’s ready or not. Don’t you think she’d signal it to you if she was ready to have sex or not? Is she dripping wet? No? Okay, then she’s not ready enough! Once in a while, try to play with her so much that she’s literally begging you to take her. You’ll love it! And she’ll love you for it.
9. Seduction is amazing and surprises really are the icing on the cake. When you become a master at practising love and romance as an art, I P-R-O-M-I-S-E you that the chances of her actually really wanting to sleep with you, will increase like you wouldn’t believe. And a bonus treat of all this is that she’ll also be turned on much quicker, when you’re actually in bed together. Does she feel loved? If not, then why would she want to procreate with you?
Enjoy!
This article was written for WeLoveDates by Maj Wismann, a Danish sexologist and expert on sex drive. Maj helps women and men around the world get their love life & sex drive back.
